Note to self

I am now writing a blog to self so later self can read and understand what self is feeling. I read go around, annoying people at times. Sometimes just for fun but usually to get people noticing me. People may not know, I actually know people are hating me in primary school but I act as if they all like me to be with them.. That at least made me feel better but in the end, more people hated me. Now that I'm in my secondary school... I was thinking I can finally get some new friends and also somebody to love.. It took me 6 months in school to meet her.. First 3 months were the hardest, I cried every time I come back from school... No one knows that... But each time I get insulted, scolded, I skip school... Because it was too much for me back then... I have no one to talk to.... I was all so sad .. Lonely... Till I met her... At first, she was all pissed every time we talk.. I then ask her every time I talk to her :"How? Today better mood marh?" after a few weeks.. I found out I actually have some feelings for her... And so some things happens and we had a short stead.. It took a long time till we talked again...... Now... A year passed... I am now feeling the same feeling as before... Empty , Lonely because she is with another guy... I thought it would end like how we did... But it didn't. I hope self understand what state I am in now... I spend time playing games but not girls because I still love her  but... I hope after I posted this post self can reflect and understand me .. I will not give up her... But self must understand... Waiting for something that may never happen is painful.. Please bear with me... I want to make a miracle happen and that miracle is what I wish for every 11:11 pm... I love her...