2:24 AM
Dear Blog,
你睡了吗？It has been some time since I've returned here to do some update in my life, so here I am.
I am year 3 now, and heading into the last semester of poly life. FYP has been a terrible experience, my groupmate didn't help me get in comfortable in any way possible. Heck, he might be there reason why I am not comfortable. I was reluctant to work with him and that really kicked me in the rear with my grades, but what's done is done. I gave myself time and tried to bluff myself into thinking it is all going to result positively if I went with the flow. Big mistake! Now I am sitting here, looking at the wasted time. I've gotten over the fact that my group mate scares me, but expect the unexpected. A new employee at the Mcdonald's I am currently working that has a character beyond my understanding. He doesn't listen to people, and with such intensive patience and teaching from my team, He still can fail to do tasks that he is paid to do. He is incompetent and yet has such an astonishingly big ego, He likes to complain about others and never see himself problematic. Each time I teach him something, his reactions are with full confidence yet when the moon rises again to mark another night, he would tell me that he have forgotten about what I've told him. You don't go tell your teacher that you " can do this lah, it's easy and all common sense" one day and tell others that "I wasn't taught about this". I am friends with my work mates before your existence is even a hindrance in my life, so don't expect your act or pretend of idiocy a pass for skipping tasks at work.
He really gets on my nerves but he is the crew we needed, not the crew we wanted and he wouldn't be my problem after I leave this place. So what is the Gwee now thinking about. I still want to go and build the computer that I've wanted for so long. I want to finish my fyp and show everyone that I deserve my grades, even if that means throwing my groupmate aside. I am preparing a birthday gathering for the boys and I want to get everything ready and make it a good one. I need to get something for: Ada, Jiesheng, Justin(abit late but yea), my sister, jiexiang, zhen yuan, my mom.
I am thinking of getting abit darker red accent hair. I want to kinda lose abit of my belly and fit into this:
Thats about it actually. I am kinda on my shit feeling season where I just feel like the only person that can treat me well is myself and expecting anything from anyone would result me in the shithole I've experiences countless time before. I am also starting feel an increase of self-hate, ironically, and really don't know if I would ever get someone to like me, like I like them. Future Gwee, It's fine if you're still stuck like I am today, We survived 19 years like this. Another wouldn't hurt much more than it should. Maybe the you reading this has already lost some of our love ones, I've prepared for this moment ever since I was 12. You know you've prepared for this and I know the feeling sucks balls, but there is absolutely nothing you can do. The you right now might want to tell me to love them before it's too late but you know well that you did your best where your best wasn't what you wished you could afford. I love you future-self because you are stronger than I am and you need to live on without the family I have right now. Goodbye Old friend and Goodnight Blog. <3
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